by Fr Gabriel-Allan Boyd
Each year during Lent, we commemorate one of the most remarkable saints, in the history of all saints, Mary of Egypt. Yesterday (April 1st), was her official feast day, but since that day almost always falls on a weekday during Lent, the Church has also given her a special Sunday (this coming Sunday), so that we can celebrate her life with the more festal type of emphasis of a Divine Liturgy. You’ll be able to hear more of her story in greater detail when you tune in to tonight’s Canon of Saint Andrew where her story is read in two parts. She’s one of my favorite saints because, her early life challenges folks’ preposterous notions about what kind of people can become saints. For those of us who believe that saints are a different kind of human than the rest of us—some kind of loftier species with different DNA, who, from the time of their birth, God made better than all the rest of us…then Saint Mary of Egypt is there to take us beyond such naïve thinking. Her early life is, most peculiarly, as far away from saintliness as one could possibly imagine.
In fact, Saint Mary of Egypt’s early life contains what Hollywood values most—a seductively scandalous story—the steamy stuff that sells movie tickets. The world—and especially Hollywood—has put all of its energy into trying to persuade us of the lie that, satisfying every bodily pleasure ultimately brings us happiness, without consequences. However, the life of Saint Mary of Egypt invites us to take a more realistic look at the titanic failure of using wild self-gratification to fulfill one’s life.
Mary of Egypt ran away from her parents’ home at the tender age of twelve (in the late 4th century) and journeyed to North Africa’s cultural and commercial center, Alexandria. There she quickly became enthralled with satisfying her ostensibly limitless appetites. And it wasn’t long before this grew into an insatiable desire for sexual pleasure, which she pursued with obsessive devotion for seventeen years. When she reached the age of twenty-nine, she impulsively decided to latch onto a group of Christians who were sailing to Jerusalem for the Church’s September 15th commemoration of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. It was a highly revered feast day, attracting pilgrims from all over the Roman Empire. The amorous Mary listened to these pious Christians’ stories about Christ and His Cross, and then malevolently embraced the idea of seductively defiling as many of the men as possible—exploiting her own body to pay for her passage on the ship. Nevertheless, once she arrived at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, Mary of Egypt encountered something that would change her life forever.
Christ’s Cross was placed on display inside the Jerusalem Church for devotees to venerate. Mary saw many pilgrims leaving the Church afterward, who were remarkably moved at having had such an encounter with something so closely connected to Christ. Oddly aroused, Mary felt that she’d also like to have such a stirring experience. Thus, she merged-in with the crowds streaming toward that holy relic, and pushed her way into the Narthex with the others. Yet, when she reached the door to enter the Nave of the Church, something mysterious prevented her from going in. She tried again, and again, multiple times, but each time she reached the door, some silent power blocked her entry. Exhausted, she stood in a corner of the Narthex, tearfully trying to discern what was happening to her. Gradually she realized that the wickedly-defiling sexual-acts with Christian pilgrims, used to pay her passage to this place, formed a force that impeded her ability to have such a meaningful encounter with Christ.
As she stood weeping at this realization, her eyes finally focused upon an icon of the Theotokos on the wall next to her. Gazing into the face of the Mother of God, she pleaded for her help. She begged to be allowed to contemplate the life-giving cross, where the Virgin Mary’s Son had died to conquer sin and death. She promised that she would renounce the world and its temptations and her own distorted appetites, and go wherever the Theotokos led her.
After that prayer of repentance, she tried once more to enter…and to her surprise, nothing blocked her. When she was finally able to venerate the relic of the Cross, she returned to the icon and asked the Mother of God to lead her. Suddenly, she heard a voice saying “If you cross the Jordan, you will find rest.” She obeyed, crossed the Jordan River and withdrew into the desert in utter isolation, to refocus the desire of her life toward yearning for God.
So how do we know about her? Because of the description of an encounter with her from a priest/monk named Father Zosimas. He’d become famous for his asceticism (his spiritual struggles, like fasting, prayer and almsgiving). Eventually he mistakenly came to believe that he had attained so much perfection in these spiritual struggles that there was nothing more anyone could teach him. But, God directed him on a path where he would discover otherwise. Zosimas encountered some monks who spent all of Lent alone in the desert, to keep themselves from the temptation of seeing how anyone else lived or fasted. When they all returned on Palm Sunday, no one was permitted to ask how anyone else’s Lenten fast had gone. This way, no one was enticed to impress anyone else.
So, following this rule, Fr Zosimas also went into the desert alone. Yet after twenty days, as he stopped for prayer, he discovered someone whose spiritual training had far surpassed his. There, across the hot shimmering sands, he saw another human being in the distance. It was Mary of Egypt, who, because her clothes had completely worn out and fallen off many years earlier, her skin had now become darkened and leathered by the sun. He tried to approach her but, since she was naked, she modestly avoided him until he threw his cloak to her. Then he begged her to tell him her story, until she reluctantly obeyed. He could tell, by the way she talked and things she mystically revealed about him that she’d grown to live in much closer communion with God than anyone else he’d ever met.
Now, I have to admit, when I first heard about her, I wasn’t sure what to believe about any of this. She seemed too extreme–both in her sinfulness and in her repentance. Was it actually possible that a woman could have such an insatiable appetite for sex? And did she really need to spend the next 47 years repenting—so severely struggling with her past sins? Why couldn’t she just accept God’s forgiveness and get on with her life? As it turns out, God’s intention for our repentance was never meant to be about something so shallow as mere guilt & punishment…nor about just saying we’re sorry and then moving on. Repentance is meant to have a more holistically psychological and spiritual benefit than either of those could ever offer. Repentance is about coming to self-awareness in the examined life…dying to the part of ourselves that’s slowly killing us…and adjusting our aim towards what’s truly lifegiving.
All those years earlier, in those moments when some force kept Mary of Egypt from entering the Church, when she stood in the corner wondering why she couldn’t enter, she suddenly became aware of the destruction that her sin had brought upon her own life…and upon the lives of those around her…and for the first time in her life she realized that her actions mattered. Up to that moment she had lived only to satisfy her desires, and believed that it didn’t make any difference. But God, in His marvelous mercy, gave her the experience of seeing that her sins did have a destructive effect on herself and others, and to see that her commitment to persist in such actions prevented her – literally! – from coming close to God. That’s the object of repentance…not to merely wipe the slate clean, not to simply hit the reset button, but rather, to come closer to God, allowing Him to transform us.
Our own self-seeking appetites merely form an obstacle—some force—that prevents us from entering the Church. In self-awareness we can learn to see ourselves as God sees us…where we only find fulfillment in obeying Jesus Christ’s will. Saint Mary of Egypt’s particular sins were merely the symptoms of an illness of passions that left her wounded. Like her, we too need to recognize that our self-absorbed appetites, disconnected from God’s will, merely invite chaos and destruction upon our lives…so that even an invisible, microscopic (viral) force can prevent us from entering God’s Church.
The Good News is, that if someone as far-gone as Mary of Egypt, could, by God’s mercy, recognize the injurious effects of her own sin and become such a model of healing…then, by God’s grace, each one of us can too!